we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
