The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize