i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
