you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
