i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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