Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize