Will you blow on my dice?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Who did Billy Mays play for?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
