Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
