whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
stop calling my apartment porn island.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
