can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
