there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
