bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you had me at cake vodka
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
