hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
