who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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