I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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