and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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