I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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