so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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