Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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