well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
