In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
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