I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
