the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
