think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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