She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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