thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
