dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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