We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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