You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
