he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
