all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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