Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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