my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
