need another drink. this is the easiest way
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
