apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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