The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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