she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
