I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
