Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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