I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize