I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
