Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
