I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
only you would photoshop your dick
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
