I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
