Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
