Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
