You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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