apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
