Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
