you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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