Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
