matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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