So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize