i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
