I will die if light touches me.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
