you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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