I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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