She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
