she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize