I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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