K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
