Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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