In America we eat man semen.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
