My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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