I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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