I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Randomize
