I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
