You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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