I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Randomize
