You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
