He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
