So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Bring me that man meat
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
