one two three fourrrrnication!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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