he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
