I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
