This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize