I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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