woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
