it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
